the impish eye doctor

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself
in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands
Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll
give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the
woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few
seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the
towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
“It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies.
“Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her
leg. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his
hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized
“Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the
Nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory.”

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a
Genie comes >out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Puff! She’s gone. “Me
next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.” Puff! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the
Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back
in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small
rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?” The eagle answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on
the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the
energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?”
replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a
lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach
the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more
dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the
turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
the tree.

Moral of the story:
BullSh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was
lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the
frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how
warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all
warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the
bird singing and came to investigate… Following the sound, the cat discovered the
bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
(3) And when you’re in deep sh!t, it’s best to keep your mouth
shut!

this is a writing exercise written by a friend. read on, very funny.

LETTER OF APPLICATION

September 21, 2006

The Department Head

The Surgery Department

St. Luke’s Medical Center

279 E. Rodriguez Sr. Blvd. Quezon City 1102 Philippines

Dear Sir:

I am aware that there is a shortage of doctors in our country so please allow me to do my patriotic duty to help alleviate this alarming problem besetting the medical community. My name is Orven Enoveso but you can call me Doc for short. I would like to apply for a position in your department as resident plastic surgeon.

I have attached my resume and list of accomplishments with this letter for you to study. At first glance, I am sure you will quickly conclude that I am nowhere near qualified for the job having no formal medical background. However, I urge you to seriously reconsider this application based on the following points:

1. Even with my limited medical schooling, I fully understand that plastic surgery does not involve using Tupperware products. In fact, I am quite familiar with the fact that the main tools employed are a felt-tipped pen to mark where the cuts will be made, scalpels for making incisions, not box cutters, mind you, and curved needles to stitch up whatever was cut open.

2. I am absolutely not homophobic. Sorry, I meant hemophobic, but I’m sure political correctness is a plus in the medical industry also, right?

3. I am very organized and will never make the mistake of leaving anything inside a patient’s opened up chest.

4. I am a voracious reader and I devour content like a dry sponge. I enjoy reading medical encyclopedias and have even on occasion read the book directory of medicines that my parents keep in their first aid kit. I have nearly memorized the generic names of all the entries plus their corresponding indications, safe dosages, etc.

5. To supplement my readings, I watch every show on cable TV that involves medicine and surgery and I even take notes. My regular and strict regimen includes “Reality TV”, “Medical Detectives”, “House”, ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, and, of course “Nip / Tuck”. I even review the old episodes of “Doogie Houser M.D.” to familiarize myself with early medical practices.

6. I am a team player; as such I am sure I will be able to get along well with your medical staff especially the nurses.

7. My sense of detail is acute. This I can prove to you because I have always consistently been able to identify surgical work done on most Hollywood celebrities even by just examining magazine photos.

8. I did well in Biology class in high school where we were asked to dissect frogs.

9. I have good bearing and I look good wearing a white coat.

10. Lastly, as mentioned in my resume, my main educational background is in Fine Arts and as you can see in my photocopied Transcript of Records, my grades in “Anatomy” and “Life Drawing” are outstanding. Obviously, I have a superb sense of aesthetics and keen understanding of the classic human form, both male and female, which I am supremely confident, will prove an invaluable asset in my practice, if given the opportunity.

After discussing the above points, I trust you will treat this application with the same seriousness as when you study a potential tumor. If you feel unsure about my qualifications, I enjoin you to consult with another doctor and get a second opinion.

I am available for an interview anytime and will even submit myself to a practical exam to prove what I can accomplish with my steady and dexterous hands.

Thank you very much and I look forward to hearing from you.

Respectfully yours,

Orven Enoveso

If there’s one guy who taught us to be lazy, its going to be ROBIN HOOD. Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives it to the poor, right?

But have you ever thought that these rich people may have been working all their life so that they can have this amount of wealth on them? And that they work their butt off and then this Robin Hood guy just took their wealth simply without any thought of the sweat, blood and tears that they put into obtaining this riches. We must not be mislead into the premise that if you’re rich, you must have gotten it so easy.Its usually that they work 5x more than ordinary wage earners and work 10x more in maintening this wealth.

Robin Hood must be the Grandfather of DOLE-OUTS. He gave away to so many people without telling people that you should work for your own up keep too. This breeds reliance and lazyness. They will just wait for share of the loot, not worrying about anything as they have dole-outs.

Sometimes, i wonder if the Prince of thieves still lingers in our midst. When will learn to earn our keep?